One of the funniest viral sensations right now is Melani Sanders on Facebook and Instagram. It all began when she went out of the house frazzled in body and spirit. After going grocery shopping, she looked at herself in the rear view mirror and was astounded that she looked so unkempt and had gone out of the house without even checking her appearance. Then, in a moment of insight, she realized she didn’t care. She got on her phone right in her car and began recording the first installment of what she calls the We Do Not Care Club.
It’s for perimenopausal women, and those of all ages beyond, who find that their attitudes have drastically changed about things that used to seem important. In each episode of the WDNC, she calls the meeting to order and the agenda becomes a list of things that women after a certain age just can’t make themselves care about any more. It is hilarious sometimes and serious sometimes, but always spot on in a way that makes anyone in the “club” nod her head and say “exactly!”
Here are some of the things We Do Not Care About on recent episodes:
Shaved legs
Wearing uncomfortable bras (or any bra at all)
What’s for dinner (if you’re hungry, cook it yourself)
Sucking in stomachs for photos
People missing the “old version” of you (she has officially retired)
Someone offended by your boundaries (boundaries aren’t built for other people’s comfort)
Answering questions that could easily be solved with basic common sense
Being told to you’re supposed to keep the camera on during online meetings
Playing solitaire on your phone during a meeting that definitely should have been an email
Here’s a few of my own to add:
I do not care if most people cancel their plans with me. At that moment I was probably wishing I hadn’t said yes. But note I said “most people,” and I mean most plans).
I do not care if people have an attitude about me eating with my fingers. Utensils were made for foods you can’t eat that way.
I do not care if the phone rings. I am probably not going to answer.
I do not care if my gym asks people to do a full disinfectant wipe after using a machine. A little swipe with my towel is good enough for the 2-3 minutes I was using it.
I had an interesting WDNC moment last month when the local TV reporter who was set to interview me about Aloha Wanderwell Takes the Wheel got the date mixed up and was waiting for me at the agreed-upon site a day early. The camera person was there, and set up, and the reporter called me, clearly stressed, to ask if I could possibly come that day instead.
I wasn’t busy and really was keen to do the interview, but I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked terrible. Then I asked myself, “am I so vain that I would not want to be seen looking this way?” I decided to live the WDNC mantra and went ahead with the interview. Yes, my hair looks awful, and if I had known it was going to be a full-on segment of the evening news, I would have worn something other than jeans. But I honestly don’t think anyone else cares, so why should I?
I was quite proud of myself for choosing to help the reporter out over having lovely, flowing tresses (yeah, right!) But the next day when I mentioned this to my friend Megan, she pointed out that I could have decided that what I didn’t care about was the reporter and camera crew’s convenience. Ah yes, see the above— something about how boundaries aren’t built for other people’s comfort.
I still need to work on that. A lifetime of expectations that women will put other’s needs before their own can’t be tossed out that easily. But you know what else? In the end I do not care about whether I coulda, would, shoulda handled it differently. If you feel the same way about how you move about the world at the age you have reached, you are already a member of the WDNC club, whether you know it or not.
Melani in one of her glorious “I do not care” get-ups